not today | ugetthejist's Blog

Today is going to be a fake it until I make it kind of day.  I can certainly feel myself 'falling apart' today.  The weekend is coming, my girls will be gone and I have nothing to do.  A_ is checking into the hospital Monday to have her baby. M_ is turning out to not be such a friend after all.  It's not what he says so much as he says NOTHING!!!! 

Anyone who sees me will have no clue how upset I am.  The truth is I'm having one of those moments where, I don't wanna be mom, a girl, a Batista, alive!  I simply want to crawl in a whole and fade away.

Why can I not find that happiness in me?  Can what happened when I was only in grade school really effect me now?  Why can't I let it all go, be alone, and not interact w/ anyone.  I ruin whatever I touch.  It's a cycle that never seems to end for me.  Now I can't even have my happy dream anymore.  I hate it.  I truely do. 

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