So.......jist bitching my head off. | ugetthejist's Blog

As if yesterday wasn't stressful enough. 

I have a friend who is not doing so well.  Physically.  Not gonna list details here b/c I'm not sure what's appropriate.  But that's killing me and I can't seem to get it all out.  And I hate there is nothing I can do about it.

My car breaks down right after I take my girls to their dad's.  Actually right by his house.  I call my mom to pick me up and of course she does.  But in the mean time guess who gets to help me.  The ex husband and his wife.  I have no problems with them, none at all.  My problem was the fact that there was no one else to help except for them.  No one else to help or call and cry to. I sent out a text to one person I know, but no response so oh well. 

I'm jist getting to a point where I feel like it's all falling apart!?!?  I'm not sure how to handle it.  My mom and dad have spent so much money to get me free from my last relationship.  So that abuse could stop.  But it seems like nothing ever changes.  It still seems like no matter what I touch or what I do it all jist f*cks up. 

I'm falling apart and I don't even know how to express it.  There is so much.  It seems like everything I touch of anything I'm part of jist gets ruined.  People and things.  And then to talk about it make me angry b/c  I think, dammit Jenni, stop feeling sorry for  yourself.  But damn it's one thing after another and never stops.

Someone form ICOC came into my store yesterday.  He starts asking all these questions and blah blah.  Then conversation turns to how it has taken him 18yrs to finally get restored back to the church.  That leads my thoughts to all the crap about God bringing me to my knees and things would be better if.........  The ultimate reason always being God is making you suffer b/c he wants your love and attention, not b/c he's punishing you.  But why do so many people around have to suffer????  I those ppl don't start coming to my store.  I  hope it was him by chance and they don't start coming.  I won't be able to handle that right now.  Not with what I've done lately. 

I jist so needed to rant...